


why

by reigh



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Car rides, Childhood Friends, Everyone Is Gay, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Late at Night, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, So True, Wow, homophobes are bad, homophobic parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:47:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27495205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reigh/pseuds/reigh
Summary: tsukishima wonders why yamaguchi calls him in the middle of the night and asks to be picked up.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 14
Kudos: 146





	why

Tsukishima never liked driving late at night, especially once the clock struck midnight. He already needed glasses to see and in the dark, he felt like his vision worsened. Though he tried not to think about his dwindling vision much as his old best friend Yamaguchi sat quietly in the passenger seat next to him.

Tension hung in the air, so thick the two boys felt as if they were suffocating. On top of neither boy feeling like they could breathe, it was completely silent save for the sound of the air conditioner as its cool breeze blasted through the vents. It was an awkward silence. One filled with words on the tips of tongues. One littered with unspoken confessions.

“What happened back there?” Tsukishima asked, finally breaking the silence. Yamaguchi shifted uncomfortably, avoiding the taller boy’s gaze.

“I’m sorry I called you so late..” Yamaguchi said in reply, completely avoiding Tsukishima’s question.

Tsukishima let out a heavy sigh as they continued down the road, Yamaguchi saying nothing else regarding the situation. It was nearly midnight and Yamaguchi called Tsukishima half an hour earlier in tears begging for the older to pick him up. Tsukishima found him wandering by a park near Yamaguchi’s house with a backpack stuffed full of random items of clothing and a toothbrush accompanied by a tube of toothpaste that was practically empty.

“I won’t force you to tell me what’s going on,” Tsukishima paused and bit back the urge to pry. “but I hope you know that you can tell me whatever. You’ve always been able to rely on me.”

Those words were a lie.

Yamaguchi had never actually been able to always rely on Tsukishima. No, not after what happened months ago. Tsukishima regretted absolutely everything within the last few months of his life.

Silence quickly followed, Yamaguchi refusing to even glance at Tsukishima. He leaned himself up against the window and closed his eyes tightly as if that would help him escape from whatever issues he had going on. If only that were the way the world worked.

More silence. More silence until it became utterly deafening. It was too awkward for Tsukishima to put into words. The boy he loved and hurt sat less than a foot away from him and he couldn’t do anything. It hurt because he loved him and lost him. It hurt because he loved him and didn’t know why. It was all his fault.

Tsukishima kept driving despite the hurricane of emotions swirling in his chest. He wasn’t normally like this. He wasn’t one to get emotional. He wasn’t one to care all that much about relationships but Yamaguchi was the one exception.

Months ago, Tsukishima was hit with the realization that he liked his best friend as more than a friend. That one little realization is what sent him spiraling. He didn’t know how to deal with his newfound feelings for Yamaguchi and so he didn’t. He found that it was easier when he wasn’t near Yamaguchi because it saved him the pain of having his heartbeat so fast it might jump out of his chest. Not being around Yamaguchi made it easier for him to deny his feelings. Except he took it too far when he started avoiding Yamaguchi as a whole. That meant dropping off of the face of the Earth. He took extreme measures that weren’t at all necessary.

Beside him, Tsukishima heard Yamaguchi’s breath hitch. Tsukishima glanced over at the younger, smaller boy with a look of concern. Yamaguchi’s eyes were still shut just as tight as they were before. His lips were pressed into a firm line.

At this point, Tsukishima was just driving. There was no destination, and he hadn’t even planned on bringing Yamaguchi back to his house. He followed the road as it went, deciding he could deal with wherever they ended up upon their arrival. He tried not to think about the consequences. Either he drove them into a dangerous situation where they died, or they got somewhere and Yamaguchi would finally have him cornered long enough to where the two would have the tough conversation that Tsukishima had been avoiding for months. The “Kei, why did you leave me?” conversation. He decided then and there that he would rather die than have that conversation.

Tsukishima had already accepted his newfound oncoming death when Yamaguchi finally stirred beside him, opening his eyes and sitting up a little. “Where are we?” He asked quietly as Tsukishima glanced over to the younger boy who finally met his gaze.

Yamaguchi’s eyes were red and puffy from crying while his skin looked paler than normal. Yamaguchi wasn’t tiny by any means though he looked smaller than usual. His eyes looked like those of a lost child longing for home. Longing for love to go back to.

Tsukishima bit his lip before replying. “I don’t really know, but I think we’re near that park we used to play in as kids.”

“Yeah, I remember that place. We went there all the time, and it was my favorite.” Yamaguchi whispered, a small smile forming on his lips. His smiles were always so warm.

“Why?” Tsukishima questioned. “Didn’t you get bullied there a lot?”

Yamaguchi shook his head. “Yeah, but you didn’t let me tell you why it was my favorite.” He paused and turned completely to face Tsukishima, not letting his gaze drop. “It’s my favorite because every time you were there, you smiled.”

Oh. Tsukishima felt a blush rise to his cheeks, not expecting that to be Yamaguchi’s answer. This car ride was going to be the absolute death of him. He felt as if he were about to combust on the spot. It was hard to focus on driving now that Yamaguchi was finally responding to him. “Do you mind if we pull over into the park? We could get out and sit on the swings just like we used to.” He asked slowly as if he were considering each word carefully before it left his lips.

The car rolled closer to the park at a slow pace, the playground equipment finally coming into view. The slides were as discolored as they always were, and the swings splayed low against the ground, looking torn and rusted to hell. The sandbox sat upon the entrance, appearing smaller than Tsukishima remembered. Few lights illuminated the small park, but it was just enough for Tsukishima to feel comfortable.

“I’d like that.” Yamaguchi hummed in agreement, his voice still barely anything above a whisper.

Tsukishima parked the car just outside the entrance and turned the engine off with a heavy heart, anxiety coursing through his veins so aggressively he almost felt as if he would pass out. His palms became sweaty as Yamaguchi moved to open the door to the passenger’s side. What was happening to him? Feeling like this wasn’t normal for him. Nobody in his life has ever seen him become an emotional wreck besides Yamaguchi. Though here he was, at a park in the middle of the night on the edge of a breakdown with none other than Yamaguchi. Fate was all too cruel.

As soon as Tsukishima opened the driver’s side door, the cool breeze of the night hit him square in the face. It was more like a wake-up call, Tsukishima now becoming more aware of his surroundings. He was completely alone with Yamaguchi. There was nothing but thin air in between them.

The two boys slowly made their way over to the swingset from their childhood, neither one of them walking ahead of the other. They managed to sync up their steps– something they used to do a lot back when they walked everywhere together.

“So,” Yamaguchi suddenly said, breaking the silence. He took his spot on the right swing, the same one he used to take years ago. Though it was laughable now because Yamaguchi was definitely too big for the swing, barely managing to squeeze into the half-broken seat. Seeing him like that only reminded Tsukishima that Yamaguchi wasn’t that scared little boy anymore. He grew up into a strong and independent man. He’d been functioning fine these last few months without Tsukishima. Tsukishima was envious of that.

“Hm?” Tsukishima hummed as he took his spot on the left swing.

“N-nothing, I just didn’t expect either of us to still fit on this thing. I feel like it’s about to break.” Yamaguchi laughed awkwardly. Clearly, the younger was bluffing. Tsukishima knew there had been more on his mind than that.

Tsukishima let out a heavy sigh. “Just say whatever you need to. You know I’m here to listen.”

Up until that point, Yamaguchi had been rocking back and forth in his swing, though Tsukishima’s words pushed him to a sudden halt. “I think,” Yamaguchi turned his head to stare down Tsukishima. “I think you know what I want to say. What I want to ask you.”

“I do,” Tsukishima said simply, returning the stare. God, this was nerve-wracking.

“Why, Kei? Why did you cut me off like that? What did I do to deserve being ignored by you? One day everything was fine, then the next you won’t even talk to me. Hell, you barely even looked at me.”

Yamaguchi’s words felt like a knife cutting deep into Tsukishima’s side, guilt washing over him. He gripped the swing so hard that the chain started to feel like it was boring harsh marks into his skin.

“You didn’t do anything,” Tsukishima replied, now refusing to look at Yamaguchi. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t stand to see his face right now. He didn’t want to see the look of hurt and disappointment he knew was smeared all over Yamaguchi’s face. He couldn’t bring himself to feel any more shame than he already did. “It’s not your fault. It’s mine.”

“Why?” Yamaguchi’s voice cracked, and Tsukishima knew the younger had started to cry.

Tsukishima shook his head. “Why? I can’t tell you why because I can barely even admit it to myself, okay? I don’t know how to.” He paused to take a deep breath, now staring at his feet. “Why did you call me tonight, huh? If you want to ask me why so much then why don’t I ask you?”

Silence. He knew he shouldn’t have said that, but he couldn’t help it.

“I told my parents I was gay, and they didn’t like that, Kei. So I broke down and left. That’s why.”

Suddenly the wind felt colder. Suddenly the ground felt all too far away.

Suddenly, Tsukishima didn’t know how to breathe.

“Tadashi—”

“Kei.”

“I’m sorry, Tadashi.”

“Why should you be, Kei?”

Tsukishima couldn’t help but let out a small laugh. Not because it was funny, but because he didn’t know how else to react. “You gonna keep asking me why all the time?”

Yamaguchi shook his head solemnly.

“So why’d you call me?” Tsukishima wondered aloud softly. “I thought you would call someone else if something like this ever happened. There are so many people on the team you could’ve reached out to, but for some reason, you called me. I’m not mad, I just thought you’d want nothing to do with me now.”

“I want everything to do with you, silly,” Yamaguchi replied, mirroring the same level of softness as Tsukishima. As if on cue, the wind died, leaving silence to hang between them. “I called you because you’re the only one I can confide in. You’re my best friend. I wouldn’t feel as safe with anyone else.”

The stars could start raining down on Earth and set everything on fire, but Tsukishima would remain utterly unphased.

Tsukishima gulped. “I-I’m sorry that happened to you, Tadashi. Your parents, I mean. I should’ve known they were capable of doing something like that, but I wasn’t thinking. I shouldn’t have ever left you alone like that.”

“I know you said you didn’t know why, but I don’t believe that for even a second, Kei. Don’t worry about what happened with my parents, they’ll cool off and I’ll go home later. You know they’ve never been stubborn.” Yamaguchi suddenly stood up from his place on the swing and took a few steps over to where he now stood directly in front of Tsukishima. If Tsukishima even tried to extend one of his legs, he would end up kicking the boy in front of him.

“Why don’t you believe me? And I’m still worried about you, you know. This is serious. You called me sobbing.” Tsukishima felt his breath hitch, and his heart started to race as Yamaguchi inched even closer to him. Tsukishima was so tall that he and Yamaguchi were still fairly the same height even with Tsukishima sitting down.

Yamaguchi’s lips were now pressed into the same thin line as they were in the car. He knit his eyebrows together, a look of concern now bleeding onto his face. His eyes were still rather puffy, but the tears had definitely subsided. “You say I ask you why too many times, but look who’s talking. I know you, Kei. I know you better than you know yourself. So what is it? Something is obviously bothering you, and it kills me to see you sit here and let it eat away at you. I told you that I’ll be fine.”

A blush rose to Tsukishima’s face as Yamaguchi was now not even a few centimeters away from him. Their faces were close, though Yamaguchi now being the slightly taller one. He couldn’t bring himself to admit he was in love. He barely even knew what love was, but he knew he was in love with him.

“Say it. Say why you’ve been avoiding me. I know you know.” Yamaguchi whispered.

“I don’t have anything to say, Tadashi.”

“Kei.”

“Yes?”

Then Yamaguchi kissed him.

It was soft, but it was real. It only lasted a few seconds, but it was real. It might’ve been under the most unideal circumstances, but it was real.

Warmth flooded Tsukishima’s body as Yamaguchi pulled away. Suddenly it wasn’t cold outside anymore. Nothing could ruin how it felt right now. Absolutely nothing.

Yamaguchi let out a small laugh, his hand moving to cup Tsukishima’s face. “I’m guessing that’s why you were avoiding me.”

Tsukishima blushed again, and it quite literally felt as if his insides were caving in. This couldn’t be happening right now. “How’d you know?”

“I already told you that I know you, silly. Better than you know yourself.”

He knows me better than I know myself. That’s how it’s always been, hasn’t it?

Tsukishima felt a small smile grace his face as the reality of the situation started to take root. None of this felt real. Not even the wind as it started to pick back up even though it softly caught Yamaguchi’s hair in its breeze. Tsukishima felt himself shaking. He was overwhelmed with so many emotions that he didn’t know what to do. They were overloading his senses so much so that he abruptly stood up from his spot on the swing and took Yamaguchi into his arms, holding him tight.

“Wh—”

“Don’t say anything.” Tsukishima whispered, tightening his grasp on Yamaguchi. “I’m not letting you go like that again.”

Yamaguchi nuzzled his head into Tsukishima’s shoulder. “I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

Tsukishima was glad he asked Yamaguchi why he called him that night. He was even more glad that Yamaguchi asked him why too.

**Author's Note:**

> ur welcome ribskyuu i better be off probation


End file.
